I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
