How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
