I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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