you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
