I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
