How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
