New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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