Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
