I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
