I puked a lego.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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