absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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