I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
