Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
