Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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