so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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