Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
