smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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