We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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