oh god the rape fog is back!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
