So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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