420 ftw
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
