So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
