Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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