all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
