so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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