it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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