i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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