And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
