if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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