I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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