the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
