Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize