yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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