Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
