Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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