we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize