Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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