I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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