I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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