its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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