i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
