Nicole vs. Life
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
