The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
