I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
