U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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