epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
