He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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