doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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