two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
