in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Four minutes until I can fart!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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