the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
