I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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