I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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