The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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