got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
