True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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