your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
