It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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