Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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