its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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