there's paper in my vomit.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
