i just had sex bonerless
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
