after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
