for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
