so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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